Resolve

“Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.” ~Woody Allen

This is how I feel that this last part of the season has gone for me.
There are some times when giving your all with the best with preparation and dedication just isn’t enough, but there are other days when finding the finish line gives you what you needed. It is bittersweet I guess. I feel like I’m sitting in that place right now. I’ve done everything I know how to do to get myself strong again and ski fast and yet race day still remains a gamble.

I went to the Europa Cup race in La Molina, Spain with the intention to get another SL and GS start and maybe some points. I walked away with some much needed GS points, a Silver medal in the SL and points to keep me in the running for my 3rd Paralympic Games. I was pretty pleased. I knew it wasn’t my best skiing but it was good enough.

I came home for a couple days, trained and headed off to Kimberley, Canada with hopes of going up there, skiing some fast DH and SG and leaving with less than 120 points in at least one event. Points under 120 would mean a possibility to go to World Cup Finals and a chance to compete in a speed event at the Paralympics.

Unfortunately, my goals and life aren’t always in agreement. I ended up dealing with a horrible stomach bug and fought with my body and my mind just to race the 4 races. I felt I had to try, because there was no chance to get my points if I didn’t start. I often repeat the phrase ‘you can’t win if you don’t try’ in my head when I feel like there isn’t much more I can do. I did manage to finish all 4 races, but probably because I didn’t push it. Don’t get me wrong, I put everything I had into each run, but I just didn’t have much strength, energy or concentration- all of which are very important for skiing fast in speed races. I got 2nd and 3rd in the DH races and 3rd both SG races. While I had some good turns and parts to each race, I just didn’t get it done and didn’t get my points. Part of me is broken hearted as this means unless I go to US Nationals these were my last speed races. It’s hard to think that my career as a ski racer is ending and this was the end for me and speed. It would’ve been nice to end it at World Cup or the Paralympics, but it is what it is and I have to move forward and focus on what is ahead.

Team USA for the Paralympic Games will not be announced until 22nd February 16, 2010. I've done everything I can do up to this point so I will wait and hope for the best!!!

Perseverance

“…let me tell you what winning means... you're willing to go longer, work harder, give more than anyone else. ~Vincent Lombardi

The last time I was in a start gate to race was 28 March 2008. That is a long time to be out of racing! With all I’ve been through I’m thankful for what I have and what I am now able to do again. Perseverance and hope is what has gotten me through and I’m not backing down now. I have no idea how this week is going to go but I feel like I am “willing to go longer, work harder and give more than anyone else.” Every racer wants to be the winner and I’ll give my best effort to do just that, but at the end of the day, I will have won when I reach that finish line after my second run. I have worked hard to rehab and been training hard to be able to reach that start gate and finish line on Monday.

Tonight, some of my teammates and I went to dinner to enjoy where were we are and what we’re doing. Skiing fast is the best part of ski racing, but camaraderie takes a very close second. Having fun with friends makes it just a little sweeter. Tomorrow we are training on the race hill at Copper Mountain and I can barely contain my excitement! I’m happy to be here with my team training and racing. Thanks to everyone who has helped me to not give up and follow my heart!

Championship Character

Champions do not become champions when they win the event, but in the hours, weeks, months and years they spend preparing for it. The victorious performance itself is merely the demonstration of their championship character. ~T. Alan Armstrong

I returned to the snow this past Saturday at Copper Mountain and I am delighted at how good it felt to be skiing again! I am still working on getting my leg back into racing shape but each day I hope it will improve. I know that my hip and legs will never be the same after all I’ve been through, but I’m counting on being able to adapt to the differences and be as fast as ever.

It’s been a busy past couple months. I have been in the gym, and taking 3 classes 2 days a week that are prerequisites for a radiology technician program next fall. I am trying to keep my focus in the present and prepare myself best I can for the future, whether that is a couple months or years ahead.

A major highlight was in September I received the Hal O’Leary Award from the Colorado Rockies and NSCD. The awards dinner was held on the dirt of the field at Coors Field. This was a very humbling and wonderful experience. Hal O’Leary is the creator of innovation in disabled sports; to receive an award bearing his name is so incredible and a huge honor!
Right now I’m trying to get enough money together for the season so that I can attend all the races necessary to qualify for the Paralympics. I just want to have a fun and successful season! Let’s go skiing.

Moving forward

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning but anyone can start today and make a new ending." ~ Maria Robinson

No I can’t go back and change anything that has happened, so I try not to dwell on the events of the past, I am happy to have today. This past year and a half has been anything but easy but I feel like I’m finally moving forward once again. The U.S. Adaptive Ski Team denied a medical leave from the team last year so I am no longer with them. I will be skiing for myself this season with the NSCD Alpine Ski Team. Due to my physical and financial situations I was not able to attend any camps this summer and won’t be doing any camps this fall either. I’m trying to look ahead towards the snow fall and training here in Colorado.

The beginning of July I got the screws removed from my pelvis. Of course nothing ever goes as expected and that was not any different but I’m doing well now and focusing on getting stronger. My legs feel so much better than they have in a LONG time. My strength and range of motion still are not what I want them to be, so I keep working. I’m not sure if I will be able to regain all the function I lost but I won’t quit trying. I have a new found hope that I will be strong again. I have been on my bike, playing tennis, taking light hikes, and back in the gym. I had ambitions to climb a 14er before the snow came, but that might be a little much to ask of my body yet.

I have every intention of ski racing this season, with my focus being on going to my third Paralympics in Vancouver, Canada in March! My first race of the year is in December at Copper Mountain and that’ll be a good litmus test.

Racing at SkiTAM

This was a photo taken in Vail, CO during the team race at SkiTAM.
I know it's not my best racing photo ever, it's what was published in the SkiTAM magazine, so I thought I'd share :)

May

The race season is over, the mountain is closed and it’s officially Mud Season in WP.

I would love to sit here and write that things are all better and that my life is back on track but that isn’t exactly true. The good news is that my legs have been working most of the time and I was able to finish the season skiing. I was actually able to get back into a race course right before the start of US Nationals here in Winter Park. I really wanted to start the SL race at Nationals but my leg stopped working just days before, once again leaving me weaker than I was and I didn’t want to push it. I was, however, able to be a forerunner and that brought me immense joy. It was so nice to be back in the start with my teammates, and even better to be knocking gates down in a course. I was very thankful that I was able to do that and I felt like it put me one big step closer to being well again. I must admit that the weakness I’m dealing with daily is definitely exaggerated when I’m skiing and that is difficult, but my choice is to deal and push through or sit around. I don’t sit still very well.

Nationals were fun but the best part of the last couple weeks was the 2 consecutive powder days the closing weekend. I got to ski 14 inches of fresh one day and 22” the next- which in spots was really the 36”. It was insane and a lot of work, but we don’t have those kind of powder days often so I HAD to ski.

While I’m still healing and getting better, my program is working out in the gym on a regular basis; diligently doing my exercises, biking whenever it’s nice enough and visit my chiropractor Dr. Mike as often as I can get to Denver.

I had to take a leave from the ambulance as I just cannot return with my leg still being so unpredictable. So, because I do not have the income from EMS, fundraising is going to be extra important and a huge focus!

My intention is to attend as many summer and fall camps as I can physically handle. That means, if I’m strong enough, I plan on going to Mt. Hood in June, New Zealand in August and Chile in September. Following the snow around the world is not cheap so I’m going to have to work very hard to get the funding I need.

“I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly,

acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.” -Agatha Christie

I’m BACK!!!!

I have been able to walk without using my crutches for 9 whole days now!

I don’t know what changed or how it happened but last Monday I “turned the corner.” For the first time in weeks I’m able to walk around without worry. I’m still not my “normal” self; my balance is definitely worse than usual, my legs are still a little wobbly and I’m still feeling the different aspects of weakness. But, compared to where I was even 2 weeks ago things are GREAT. I am back in Winter Park, I have been back on the mountain skiing and life is okay. I’m taking each day as it comes, and trying to keep my chin up and focus on the good things. I have a nerve test tomorrow called an EMG. I hope it will give the doctors better ideas as to what is going on, but you never know.

I am just happy for today, because I can help what tomorrow will bring, I’ll deal with that then.